Fortune-Telling Device

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Object No. TK of 50 -- Volume 2

Object No. 23 of 50 — Significant Objects v2

[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Rachel Axler, has ended. Original price: $1.49. Final price: $56.00. Significant Objects will donate the proceeds of this auction to 826 National.]


Q: Does John like me? A: TRY AGAIN

Q: Does John like me? A: TRY AGAIN

Q: …Does Alex like me? A: YES


Q: So I asked John out, and he said okay after only a little thinking, and we went to the movies and it was great! Actually, it wasn’t great, but we definitely went to the movies. Three times! I paid for his tickets, and he brought a friend along and paid for her tickets. Sometimes he and his friend would kiss a little. Is John my boyfriend? A: ASK A FRIEND

Q: I asked Ashley because I figured she’d know, since she’s been coming to the movies with us so much. She said no. Is that because Ashley’s jealous? A: TRY AGAIN

Q: …Does Alex still like me? A: YES


Q: What should I wear on Saturday when I see Hook with John and Ashley? A: TRY AGAIN

Q: Sorry — I forgot I have to phrase these questions in a certain way. Um… should I wear a dress? A: NO WAY

Q: Jeans, then. But a cute sweater? A: TRY AGAIN

Q: …You want me to wear scrubs again. A: YES

Q: Really? Again? A:  YES

Q: But they look so bad on me. A: YES


Q: Merry Christmas tomorrow!! I’m thinking of getting John a present, since he’s my boyfriend. A: NO WAY

Q: I know, right? It’s a big step. But that wasn’t the question. My question is — how about, like, a CD? You think he’d like that?  A: MAYBE

Q: I wonder what his favorite band is. A: YES

Q: Really? That’s weird. I thought maybe he might like that new band, Nirvana. But you think I should get him 20-year-old British prog rock? A: DEFINITELY


Q: John showed everyone at school the weird CD I got him and everyone at school laughed at me. Except Alex, who looked kind of hurt or angry or something. That was a jerky suggestion, fortune-teller… Why are you shaking? You’re shaking a little. Are you laughing? Are you actually laughing?! A:  MAYBE

Q: I can’t believe this! You’re totally evil! Are you purposely giving me terrible answers? A: NO WAY

Q: You just don’t want to admit how in love with me John is! You’re trying to break us up! A: MAYBE

Q: That’s it — I’m never consulting you again. I hate you. You suck. [FORTUNE-TELLER PLACED IN BACK OF CLOSET; ANSWER UNCONFIRMED]


Q: Hi. It’s me again. Um, John and Ashley are going to prom together. And I wasn’t invited along, so I guess they’re a couple now. A: NO WAY

Q: I know. They’re big jerks. Oh, but Alex got me a birthday present. Off the Deep End, by Weird Al. It’s pretty dorky. But funny. A: YES

Q: So, what do I do about prom? I can’t show up alone. I’ll be mortified. A: ASK A FRIEND

Q: …You want me to ask Alex, don’t you? A: DEFINITELY


Q: So, we didn’t just go to prom together. We also went to the movies. Alone! I mean, with each other, but nobody else. Except the other people in the theater. Oh, who, by the way, included John and Ashley… and Laurel. John sat between them, and in the middle of the movie, Ashley got up, and she was crying, and she dumped popcorn all over John. It was better than the movie. A: NO WAY

Q: Seriously. But anyway, I guess I didn’t have a question for you. A: —–

Q: I just wanted to say… we had a good time. A: —–

Q: You were right. A: I KNOW.

Fortune Deet


Rachel Axler is a playwright and TV writer.

6 thoughts on “Fortune-Telling Device

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