Wooden Mallet

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[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Colson Whitehead, has ended. Original price: 33 cents. Final price: $71.]

On September 16th, 2031 at 2:35 am, a temporal rift – a “tear” in the very fabric of time and space – will appear 16.5 meters above the area currently occupied by Jeffrey’s Bistro, 123 E Ivinson Ave, Laramie, WY. Only the person wielding this mallet will be able to enter the rift unscathed. If this person then completes the 8 Labors of Worthiness, he or she will become the supreme ruler of the universe.


[* –> Information regarding the 8 Labors of Worthiness is being made available by the author, in occasional Tweets, here: @colsonwhitehead.]


Colson Whitehead is the author of Sag Harbor.

10 thoughts on “Wooden Mallet

  1. In restraints since 2010, former VP Dick Cheney tries once again to bite the attendant bringing his meds. Mr. Cheney, not the most beloved resident in the Prairie Rest Nursing Home in Laramie, is kept heavily sedated. The staff scoff each time he insists he was not an evil influence on the Junior Bush as the House committee had found.
    His normal raving and snarling stopped abruptly and he began to sneer and to mutter, “I shall prevail. All who doubted me will have scales fly from their eyes.” The orderly assigned relates that Mr. Cheney seized
    the spoon from his dinner tray, began to use it as a gavel and called out loudly, ” Universal Court to Order, All rise.”

  2. Errant, errant, and egregious. A misreading of the symbols. There is no fabric of space time, as established by Humphrey Hoggons, Phd, In his famous essay, The Colson Question (The Journal of Distemporal Narrative, 1992, at p. 27), and verified by David Deutsch, in his bestselling The Fabric of Reality, and hence no possible rift or tear. Dr. Hogguns now appears to be quite prophetic when he writes in TCQ, “The moody wallet, as it will be known, will open in 1998, and again in 2008, when also there will be traffic and weather. On the eights.” The symbol of the 8 can be seen in The Fabric of Reality as a revolving door (after some interpretation). But not just a single door. A door, a cylinder, attached to another cylinder, and the adhesion between the cylinders is an adhesion in the multiverse. The rift, as CW has it, is actually a delusion, which Dr. Huggus predicated. The place between universes will be transparent to the end user. There will be no latency. None.

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