[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Erin Ellia, has ended. Original price: $1.99. Final price: $31.00. Significant Objects will donate the proceeds of this auction to 826 National.]
Congratulations, gentlemen. And, er, ladies. Welcome to – what’d that guy call it? “The most important club you’ll ever join.” Like he said, this here’s a symbol of our brotherhood, and – what? Okay, “siblinghood,” whatever. And it means an especially lot to me on account of I’m the Dragon Slayer! Heh. Heh heh. Seriously, though, remember: it might look all pretty an’ shiny-like, but it ain’t candy.
Best if you devise some way to remind yourselves of this. Tape a note to it if you have to, or tie a string around your baby finger. Because it can be real easy to forget. Trust me. Y’all are going to be Big Important People someday, too, an’ it’s embarrassing. One minute you’re taking a break from all them Big Important Things they make you do – you’re watching a football game all by yourself, say, and you’re reaching for a snack. Next thing you know you’re on the floor with rug burns on your face, an’ that little Jewish fella is telling the whole world you choked on a dang pretzel so’s not to have to admit you tried to eat the secret-initiation statue you been carrying around for thirty years.
So in conclusion: yeah. Not candy. Maybe you could tie a ribbon round its neck…
Not a real dragon, either, by the way.
Can’t fly for shit.