Basketball Trophy

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Object No. 66 of 100

[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Cintra Wilson, has ended. Original price: $2. Final price: $14.90.]

Dearest Friend in Christ,

As only you know, this is the trophy treasure I have won in great personal championship at ladies intramural sport. I am in daily prayer that in Christian spirit only you will see this appeal, and know of our plan to transfer the ownership of this darling golden statuette of high monetary value into your home. It is as you remember the key to our future plan of my safety rescue and personal fortune.

As we discussed, I wish my best most coveted and rare valuable trophy prize to be safely in your Beloved hands. You may then assure me with your sweet words, Dear Heart, that you have it resting in a mounted place of honor in your diplomatic safe house. I will be afterwards in waiting for your signal to transfer the misallocated foreign aid (US) $344 MILLION I have received in error to threaten my political life daily, into the bank of your politically stable country. Also I am hoping to send, at future times, to our secret beautiful love child out of wedlock, the contested blood-diamond necklace worth (US) $6,900,00.00 belonging to my dearest departed aunt Hortensia Claire Watsson, may she lie in eternal embracing of the Christ.

Since I am the tallest woman in this region of 2 meters height (near seven foot), the situation grows darkest every hour, Dearest, as I am visible to both armies and those who wish our Christian endeavor harm. Make haste! And soon we will be locked in prayer over this beautiful golden basketball remembrance of my victorious athletics together.

I will be in prayer, and hoping to embrace you soonest.



Cintra Wilson is a culture critic and author whose books include A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Re-Examined As A Grotesque, Crippling Disease, the novel Colors Insulting to Nature, and Caligula for President: Better American Living Through Tyranny. She currently writes the Critical Shopper column for the New York Times every other Thursday.

3 thoughts on “Basketball Trophy

  1. This is one of my favorites. A trophy is sort of the ultimate example of an object whose Significance depends completely on some sort of narrative. A trophy in a thrift store, separated from whatever meaning it used to have via its original owner, is an absurd and poignant thing.

    Anyway, I just LOVE the way the Cintra Wilson found to make this object newly Significant. A great example of what makes this project worthwhile. And fun.

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