Object No. 59 of 100
[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Jen Collins, has ended. Original price: $2. Final price: $20.50.]
For my 9th birthday, I begged my mother to take me to the iron-on decal store at the Meadow Glen Mall. I had seen some older boy wearing a sweatshirt with a glittery rip-off of the Superman “S” shield saying SUPERBRAT, and I had to have one. By the time I convinced my mother, they had run out of the decal. So I settled for a glitter Garfield on a royal blue pullover hoodie. I was crazy about Garfield — he loved lasagna and hated Mondays, just like me. I had all his books and my friends would come over and read them. This was awesome to a 9-year-old in 1983. I wore the pullover to the arcade, to sleepovers, and to my first track meet.
I wasn’t a Superbrat anyway. I did have a whoopee cushion, though, and a ketchup squirt bottle with a long string in it — both gifts from my father, a wiseass. Naturally, I always picked the 7Up Uncola glass from the kitchen shelf, except for when he picked it first. A few times, when we were watching TV, he stole it from me when I wasn’t looking.
For my 13th birthday — a few days before it — my father left us. A Monday morning. He was packing his briefcase for work while Ma was packing our lunches for school. He came into the TV room, kissed my little sister on the forehead and told her, “Do good today, OK? ABCs?” Then he side-hugged me and said, “See ya latah, Ambah.”
When I got home after track practice that night, my mother told me my father wasn’t coming back. “He left you a present,” she said.
“An abandonment present? Is that customary? No thanks.”
“What can I tell you? He’s an asshole, he’s always been an asshole. At least he remembered this year.” She put a package on the kitchen table, wrapped in newspaper.
It was shaped like an Uncola glass.
The significance of this object has been invented by the author; see the project description for details. Click here to receive email updates.
September 15th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
I recently distinguished between novelty items and promotional items. But I’m thinking an Uncola glass might be both?
September 16th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Ouch. Very good story.
September 16th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I used one of these all through college. They were great, as the small top and large bottom held a lot of, ah, ‘liquid,’ with little danger of spillage.
September 16th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Josh, yeah, I think it’s both. I noticed that most of the Uncola glasses available on eBay are listed as collectibles. Personally, I’d put them under great gift ideas.
And hey, Sharon – thank you!
September 16th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I appreciate that the Uncola glass harkens back to a time before anyone had ever said the words “think outside the box.”
September 17th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Fabulous, so much in so few words! You are quite a writer. Hope you’ll do more.
September 17th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Waiting for the next installment.
October 8th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Love this, Jen.
December 7th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
jenny jen jen,
yes yes yes.
the uncola glass from the unfather.
perfect, ambah.